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Mar. 9th, 2007 | 03:37 pm
So.... Kaoru's gone. I don't know what else to say but that. We took him back to the vet on Tuesday. He didn't eat at all over the weekend. The last bill was $500, and they called me back to tell me another $500 would be needed to redo the same procedures. I haven't even been able to talk about it. It seems ridiculous... to be... so torn up about a cat. I mean, he's just an animal, right? That's not true. It's weird how everything reminds me of him. It feels weird to do most everyday routines without him around. I almost feel like I made a mistake. I didn't have the money, but maybe I could have gotten a loan with a bank... who cares how high the interest rate was? I could work my ass off for that cat. I could have, but I didn't. So since Tuesday, my mind has been filled with one "what if?" after another. What if I had spent more time with him before he died? What if I worked more hours, worked harder, maybe then I would have had the money. I wonder how long it's going to take me to get over this. I thought hearing about Roscoe's death was bad, but... this was my decision. I thought it was the best, and I have to live with it.