The Sun On Your Face

So.... Kaoru's gone. I don't know what else to say but that. We took him back to the vet on Tuesday. He didn't eat at all over the weekend. The last bill was $500, and they called me back to tell me another $500 would be needed to redo the same procedures. I haven't even been able to talk about it. It seems ridiculous... to be... so torn up about a cat. I mean, he's just an animal, right? That's not true. It's weird how everything reminds me of him. It feels weird to do most everyday routines without him around. I almost feel like I made a mistake. I didn't have the money, but maybe I could have gotten a loan with a bank... who cares how high the interest rate was? I could work my ass off for that cat. I could have, but I didn't. So since Tuesday, my mind has been filled with one "what if?" after another. What if I had spent more time with him before he died? What if I worked more hours, worked harder, maybe then I would have had the money. I wonder how long it's going to take me to get over this. I thought hearing about Roscoe's death was bad, but... this was my decision. I thought it was the best, and I have to live with it.

I'm really stressed out right now. I'm fluctuating between moments of dullness to moments of overwhelming emotion and tears. We had to take Kaoru to the vet yesterday because on Thursday he was in really bad condition. For the first time since he was diagnosed with Feline Lower Urinary Tract Disease, something was blocking his bladder. They've told me that the tests they've done so far have not came back very good. He has some kidney damage, and he still won't eat even though he's getting better. There's a pretty good chance he will pull through it all, but there's also a chance he becomes blocked again. They won't have results on what exactly is causing the blocking for a few more days. If he becomes blocked again, the vet has told me they may have to euthanize him unless they send him to the emergency clinic (which will cost anywhere from $500 - $800). His bill is already $400 at the current vet. It's really hard to accept, but I guess over time since he started having this problem I've began to accept it more and more that his days are probably numbered. I can't imagine things without him. And what's even more frustrating is that I have a double today and tomorrow. That's frustrating because if they have to euthanize him because he's in too much pain, then I won't even get to see him and say goodbye. Why is this happening to him? He's like the sweetest cat in the world. I feel like it's my fault for not taking better care of him.... or for even keeping him all to myself instead of finding him a GOOD home 5 yeas ago. It already feels weird not having him around for two whole days. And with a $400 bill whether he dies or not, I have no choice but to work. But it's been really hard to smile while I'm there. I'm not good at handling losses.... I don't want to lose him. I have to start getting ready for work, and thinking about all this is getting me too worked up anyways.

A lot has happened in two months... I can't possibly remember everything.

I struggled a lot with trying to stay with Olive Garden. After becoming sick with a pretty nasty and persistent cold, I tried calling in at Olive Garden on Sunday. And yes, I called two hours in advance - to no ado. Kind of irritating... since we have lived here... I've called in twice, and both times they told me I was required to be there - sick or not. And then when I show up, they say, "We'll get you out of here as fast as we can" like they're doing me a favor. Ugh. I also struggled with trying to keep my mouth shut. Kristin came back from maternity leave with a really bad, rude attitude. I finally finished my training at Carrabba's, and started working there at night, 5 days a weeek. Olive Garden in the morning, 6 days a week. After about a week of that, I just stopped showing up at Olive Garden. It was too exhausting, especially considering I couldn't get over the cold, because... well... I was working so much. I thought about asking Olive Garden to change my availability, but... yeah. I had asked about 10 times before to change my availability so I could work some night shifts and actually make money, and they would always refuse. So... I just thought fuck them. They already got a two weeks notice from me, and they just kept putting me on the schedule. I wasn't going to write another one and stick out another two weeks.

I am pairing up with Brandy and Brad to go to a Dir en Grey concert in a month. :DD

Ooooh Ooooh! And end of the year Asian drama reviews! Yayyy! I'm going to put these in the order of best drama to worst of 2006.

01. Love Story in Harvard (10 of 10 stars)
This drama really truly and honestly blew me away from beginning to end. I wasn't a Kim
Rae Won fan until I saw this drama. No drama I have seen has compared to this, PERIOD. I
highly recommend this drama. There wasn't a single part in this drama that disappointed
me. I really just can't praise this drama enough.

02. My Lovely Sam Soon (10 of 10 stars)
My very first K-drama, and so fucking funny. Loved it. And I could watch it again and
again. Hope to share this with a friend one day.

03. Full House (10 of 10 stars)
I meet Bi for the first time. I love the relationship between the two main characters in
this. Though the story is very similar to My Lovely Sam Soon, the relationship is quite
different. Bi does a better job of pertraying the split personality of this character.
There are moments when you see such a soft side of him... and then he puts up his front.

04. Let's Go to School, Sang Doo (9 of 10 stars)
If it weren't for the ending this would be my second favorite series. I thought the ending
just blew. But don't let that turn you off from this series. I'm a big fan of Bi's acting
and this series is HALARIOUS.

05. Nobuta Wo Produce (9 out of 10 stars)
The moral of this story is what puts it so high on ths list. The plot is a little shaky.
Making a scary girl popular? Sounds kind of lame, but this drama took me by surprise.
Kon kon.

06. Flowers for Algernon (9 of 10 stars)
I loved this book, and this series... really got me emotional. I find it harder to really
understand Japanese series though. I think the culture and mannerisms are a little more
foreign and different than American culture and traditions. I think if I knew more about
Japan I could understand this better, nonetheless... the transformation the main character
makes is awesome. I recommend the book and the series. Both are great.

07. Taiyou no Kisetsu (9 of 10 stars)
OMG, I really hated the first few episodes of this. I really did. I thought the series
was so weird, and it was going to really suck. But... man, this series was really
fascinating. Adrienne recommended it to me, and I wish she would finish it herself. She
would love it.

08. A Love To Kill (8 of 10 stars)
Get the soundtrack, it gets 10 of 10 stars. The music for this series blew me away. I
really liked the plot for the most part. The ending was lame though. And Bi's brother
jumps off the roof of his own house thinking a billboard (that has always been there) is
real? Uhm.... yeah... that part of the plot is really shaky, and they could have done
better than that. Unless they want to explain that his brother became a drug addict when
Eun Seouk broke his heart, and he was tripping on something when he fell off the building.

09. Anego (8 of 10 stars)
My very first series. And I really really fell in love with the main character (not Jin
Akanashi either :P). I truly felt the lonliness she felt. Again, the ending was a big
let down though. So it only gets 8 stars.

10. Densha Otoko (8 of 10 stars)
Very funny drama, but still... but I don't really relate to it as well as others.
Entertaining, nonetheless.

11. Moto Kare (8 of 10 stars)
This series is worth seeing just to watch Domoto Tsuyoshi.

12. Stand Up! (7 of 10 stars)
Probably partly due to bad subs, this series was still entertaining enough to finish. But
really, how much can you do with a series about 4 high school guys trying to lose their
virginity? This kind of plot doesn't really interest me in the first place. I watched it
for YamaPi.

13. Attic Cat (7 of 10 stars)
I'm a Kim Rae Won fan, but... I think this series was lacking. Maybe the love/hate
relationship was just a bit more irritating. Actually, Kim Rae Won's infatuation with
the pretty, rich girl was what was irritating. You never really see him make a sacrifice
for the main character.

Currently watching All In. And can't bring myself to finish What Star Did You Come From (starring Kim Rae Won).

The end of last year also got me in touch with some old friends. I've been talking to Brittany and Brandy pretty consistently. And that makes me happy... because... I felt for a long time that I had really lost all the friends I had. Brittany talked about visiting sometime this year. That would be really cool. Now if only I could lure Nikki here.... >:/ Hmmm...

That's about it for 2006. Maybe in another two - three months I'll make another update. XB

A few weeks ago, after me and Ty moved out, my dad and Cynthia moved into a new house. Upon moving... they decided they didn't want to take Roscoe with them. Because they didn't want to take him along... my dad took him to the Humane Society and had him put to sleep. I can't believe how healthy he still was. He was getting old... but... I think he had at least two more years. It broke my heart to hear my dad even talk about it, but I never thought he'd actually go through with it. Last night I had a dream Roscoe was still alive. I've been kind of sad all day knowing I'll never get to see him again, and I wasn't able to give him one last hug or one last kiss.



My dad says he cried... but I don't believe him. For some reason... he stopped caring about Roscoe and started treating him like crap. That's the worse part about him dying. I know he died without the love he deserved. I'm really going to miss him a lot.

Wow... I can't believe I haven't updated since the first week in Augusta.

Kaoru has been sick a lot since I moved here. He's taken 3 or 4 vet trips. Kaung helped me pay for one which I appreciate very much. And Kaoru just got back from one of the trips last week. He seems to be doing well right now.

After Kaoru got back from the vet, I actually got sick (and still am, though slowly recovering). I still have a sore throat and a general tired feeling. And the thought of food is still making me sick. But the first night I started feeling bad, I believe I started running a fever, I felt tired, and I had an earache accompanied by a headache. My whole body also felt really sore. My body is still weak and a little sore, but the sudafed has been helping the earache. I still don't feel 100%. I want to feel better though. :(

I'm still working at Olive Garden, but I'm training at Carrabba's. Olive Garden just... sucks. I mean, it pays the bills, but BARELY, and... I'm so sick and tired of busting my ass for so little money. It's 10% day everyday at Olive Garden. And I realize that it's not all about tips. And I've told myself week after week that people are naive and don't know any better. But I'm tired of having to tell myself stuff like that.

If Carrabba's is the same, I'll make a trip down to Evans. The people are richer there thus more generous. If I had the extra money then I wouldn't complain. When I worked at Max Lager's, I think I was a pretty bad server. I mean, okay, maybe I was mediocre. I wasn't spectacular. But you know, I feel like it's a lot different at Olive Garden. I'm considerate, I work in a timely manner, and I do things the right way. And all for what? $4 on a $60? Or $10 on a $100 bill? If a table of four brings up a $100 bill, then they have probably sat at my table for two hours. If one table stiffs me, the other table of two leaves me 15% on a $20 tab, (roughly $3), then the 10% that table of four leaves me, brings my hourly wage to $6/hr. Yeah, that sucks. And yeah, that's Olive Garden.

Anyways, for anyone who reads my journal, be thoughtful when tipping people. When you get carry out pizza, delivery, or go to a restaurant. Don't assume the person is making minimum wage or more. And don't assume that every person who has came in before you has tipped them well if at all. To-go people also make a very small wage. Tips are a soul source of income. So tip the hardworking servers at the restaurants. If they were millionares... they wouldn't be working there. They are no different than you.

So... that's what's been going on in a nut shell. I'm sure I forgot something, but I can't think of it at the moment. I'm not looking forward to the holidays... mostly just because I don't have extra money for presents. But we'll see how the income looks once I start at Carrabba's. I'm hoping for the best.

Just for everyone's information.... the only thing I want for my birthday on August 10th is the Dir en Grey DVD '05 Live It Withers and Withers on http://www.yesasia.com. I can't believe I forgot about this release. I've heard amazing reviews about it too. I hope I don't break down and buy it myself before August. >_>

So I've finished Stand Up! now. It was really sad. Very good though. I personally like YamaPi better as Akira, but he was still a good Ken Ken. He was just more of a quiet and low key character. LOL, I really love the other characters though especially toward the end of the series. The clumbsiness of high school kids really came out. I'm currently watching Gokusen 2 as it's being released by SARS. It has Kamenashi Kazuya and Jin Akanashi in it for those who are unfamiliar... and the two fight a lot (because they're delinquents). It's very entertaining to watch two skinny Japanese bish either beating the shit out of people or getting beat. xDD Don't know why it's so entertaining, but it sure is. I love the series solely for that reason.



Also watching Full House which is really similar to My Name is Kim Sam Soon, but it's a lot less irritating. xDD Hyun Bin was such an ass.... at least I can see Young Jae's softness at points. But nonetheless, I still loved Hyun Bin's character. I hope Full House won't disappoint. Also downloading All In. I'm starting to like the way Korean sounds a lot.

FFVIII is going great as well. I've been playing pretty consistently everyday, and it's a lot of fun. I understand the way the game works a lot better this time. It was my first RPG the first time, and there were a lot of things I didn't understand. I actually rock at Triple Triad too! w00t! :DD


I ended up getting a job offer at Publix. I was really happy about that. I hope I get to start this weekend. I really need the steady money. Right now I have $10, well, I would have more... but I took Kaoru to the emergency room for a urinary tract infection. I was afraid he may be blocked. But he's okay, and hopefully on his road to recovery.

Megan and Ty's wedding is on May 27th. Hrm.... they found out that they lost the baby on Monday. It's been stressful for them. I've had three days off in a row now, and I've still gotten little to nothing done. I hope today will be a more productive day for me.

Yamashita Tomohisa is so awesome. I'm going to listen to NewS all day now.

Megan bought me these awesome incense. I want shelves in my room to put them on. I hope I can afford to buy some soon... also want them to put my figures and such on. :(

I've watched three episodes, and I'm in love.
( Stand Up! )

LUCKY

I've finally finished my playlist!! I still have a few things to add, but it's done for the most part. I'm taking requests. :D

I'm no longer taking requests at the moment. If you post a request it will be deleted, mmkies? I need to catch up on the requests that have accumulated. I also just moved, so I'm really busy unpacking and all that stuff. Anyways, check back later. I'll start taking requests again as soon as I catch up. <3

Updated 10.07.2005
Updated 09.14.2005
Updated 09.15.2005
Updated 09.22.2005


( My Music )

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